~ Dream ~

I woke up this morning
you laid next to me
I got up and kissed you softly
but then i realized that it was a dream

I woke up and force myself to be awake
you laid next to me
I got up and kissed you softly
but still, i was still dreaming

I woke up again, and make sure that i was not sleeping
you laid next to me
I got up and kissed you softly
but then, i was still dreaming

I woke up again, and this time i pinch my arm hard
you laid next to me
I got up and kissed you softly
but i didnt feel pain when i pinch myself, so ... i was still dreaming

I woke up finally and i didnt pinch myself again
you still laid next to me
I got up and went straight to take shower
this time, the water feels cold. i was not dreaming anymore

***

a naughty smile and you asked
"You gonna kiss me or what?"

~ Malaikat Kecilku ~

Kulihat wajahmu yang begitu lugu
dan senyum kecil yang kadang terlintas
bersih mulus tanpa noda
seperti hatimu yang tak berdosa

***

teringat aku waktu kau dalam kandungan ibumu
rajin ku beri kau susu
rajin ku beri kau vitamin
agar kau lahir sehat dan pandai

teringat aku waktu kau akan lahir
dua hari ku tak tidur menunggui ibumu
dua hari ku melihat bayi-bayi lain lahir dari rahim ibunya
namun kau tak kunjung datang

akhirnya kau terlahir kedunia
tangis kecilmu membuat air mataku berlinang
sentuhan kecilmu membuat dada ini bergetar
dan ku katakan "Selamat datang ke dunia malaikat kecilku"

***

dengan kasih sayang ku belai dan ku kecup pipimu
tiba-tiba kau terbangun dari tidurmu
sambil mengernyitkan dahi kau berkata
"Su..su'.."

~ Sang Gajah ~

Gajah...
Binatang yang amat agung

besar badannya
sebesar tenaganya
lebar telinganya
mempertajam pendengarannya
panjang hidungnya
kepandaian yang tinggi
dan gading putih menjulang
kegagahan tiada tara

Sebesar tenaganya
setajam pendengarannya
setinggi kepandaiannya
dan kegagahannya
Kata anakku...
"jijik..."

***

Dengan tangan kecilnya
ia lalu menutup hidungnya rapat-rapat
sambil mengernyitkan dahi ia berkata
"jijik..."
dan aku pun menutup jendela mobilku rapat-rapat
dan berlalu meninggalkan kandang gajah.

Writing is in my blood
it is within me
I love it as much as i love reading

my friend said
write anything you want
and dont care whether other read it or not
and dont care whether they like it or not

now i will start writing.

~Redemption~

The arena was full with spectators
crowd were expecting the final blow
They were chanting their hero's name
over and over and gets louder

there he lay
helpless... with dying breath
ready to left the broken body
waiting... for the final blow

then I came... slowly...
crowd keep chanting my name
expecting me to make the final blow
slowly... like I always do

then I raised my weapon high
raised it so high so crowd could it see it gleaming
and the chanting become cheers
They all knew what I would do next

I pitied for what he had done
He was fighting a wrong battle
He was fighting a wrong enemy
He was fighting a wrong cause

I could easily end his miserable life in a single stroke now
I could easily free him from his broken body in a snap now
I could easily send him to eternity now
but one small whisper in a distance stop me from what I would do

she was praying quietly
she was praying for a forgiveness
she was praying for a life of her father
she was praying at Me

"In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful"
"Please forgive my sins, and sins of my father and mother"
"Please love them as they love me when I was a baby"
"Thank you Allah"

Her father's life ends here as was written
nothing could stop it, not even a pray from his daughter
But I forgive him for he was a sinner
her daughter's pray, was the dead man's redemption

~The Wise~

my daughter...
The Wise baby girl

She has one thousand seven hundred and fifty eight toys
yet, she loves to play with my wallet
why my wallet?

She has two hundred sixty eight pair of socks
yet, she only wears half pair at a time
the other half.. God knows where

So wise she is
knows when daddy has "free time"
knows when mommy wants to sleep
knows where daddy hide his handphone

my daughter...
The Wise baby girl

~Daddy Lagi~

Sinar matanya berbicara
"aku sedang gembira"
kedua tangannya menggapai
"aku sedang ingin"
duduk bersimpuh sesekali bergoyang
"aku senang"
bibir kecilnya pun bicara
"daddy...lagi..."

Gembira sekali anakku malam itu
hiburan kecil hiburan murah
berapapun kan kukeluarkan
demi secercah senyum anakku

Bahagia sekali anakku malam itu
bangga rasanya melihat dia
bergoyang tertawa dan bertepuk tangan
dan pinta dari bibir kecilnya

"daddy...lagi..."
katanya setengah memaksa
"daddy...lagi..."
rengeknya setengah menangis
"daddy...lagi..."
sambil menarik lengan bajuku
"daddy...lagi..."
wajahnya berkerut nampak marah

"besok lagi ya..."
kukatakan padanya
"besok sama daddy dan mami lagi..."
sambil kusembunyikan perlahan
"jangan nangis yah, besok kita main lagi..."
tak tahan ku melihat raut mukanya
"besok lagi ya..."
sambil ku gendong dan kucium keningnya

***

bermacam2 kembang api yang kubeli malam itu

ada kembang api 1/2 meter
nyala terang, dan ada pijar apinya

ada air mancur satu jengkal
lumayan nyembur, tapi cuman 30 detik.. mungkin kurang

ada happy flower (logonya gitu)
yang ini bagus banget, nyala kayak lampu disco ajep ajep.. abis itu meledak kayak petasan rentet

cahaya yang terang, berkedip kedip, sedikit api, dan suara yang memekakkan telinga
itulah yang anakku suka.

~ about a friend ~

it's only three of us left
i hope you realize by now
stronger and wiser
tomorrow will be better

what ever happen in the past
keep it as a good memory
what will happen in the future
we have nothing to worry

I was mad at you
because you did not tell me
but even if you told me
what can I do to change the story

forgive me for being jealous
we were supposed to be one
forgive me for being obnoxious
we were supposed to be one

I forgive you my friend
as you always forgive me
and from the moment on
the three will be one

***

There he lay peacefully
smiles, the never ending smile
so young, yet so determined
"I want to make my family happy"

light shine upon him
guarding, more like guiding
to an adventure unending
"I want to make my family happy"

many years we spent together
many laugh and tears we shared
and the voice still over me
"I want to make my family happy"

farewell my good friend
follow the light to the journey ahead
farewell my good friend
you are free as you always wanted to be

***

Today, we just lost a friend

***

Fardin Hardianza
bin
Farid Ma'ruf
24 feb 1980 - 11 oct 2006

~ Duty ~

So busy he was on that day
Running here and there
Doing what he has been doing for years
For years
It is his job
His duty

So busy he was on that day
Flying here and there
Harvesting some of HisMaster’s crops
Diligently
Never had he refused it
Never will

On that day
He harvests more crops that he usually does
More than twice, thrice
A lot more than that

Though his fields was small
Too small compare to his domain
In His Master’s domain
His field was a tiny dirt
Compare to mountains and volcanoes
In His Master’s domain

His friend came to him the day before
And tells him
"I will blow my Trumpet"
"So the ground will shake"
"and the water will rise"
“In the name of Our Master, do what He tells you to do”

On that day
Izrail harvested more than two hundred thousand souls
And may be more

On that day
His Master’s name was prayed aloud
By too many dying lips

The quake and the tsunami were his friend’s doing
The death itself was his doing, his job, and his duty

So busy he was on that day
Doing what he meant to be
Taking breaths out of dying lips

~Mimpi yang aneh~

tadi malam gua mimpi aneh

awalnya gua ngimpilagi sholat berjamaah
sholat maghrib
tapi anehnya
gua ngerasa, sholatnya diatas air terjun kolam ikan
diatas semacem lantai yang berlantai lumut
lalu air mengalir ke depan
dan gua sholat di baris belakang.
lebih anehnya lagi,
sholatnya nggak kelar kelar
padahal cuman 3 rakaat
rakaat pertama lamaaaa banget
rakaat kedua, imamnya jalan-jalan
jadi jemaah yang ikut harus ngejer2 imamnya
rakaat ketiga
lebih lama dari rakaat pertama
karena imamnya sholat sambil dipegangin jamaah
supaya nggak kabur lagi

setelah sholat
ngimpi gua berlanjut
lebih aneh lagi
kali ini gua masuk ke sebuah ruangan
ruangannya nggak familiar
disitu gua ngerasa ada istri, anak, bokap sama kakak gua
ngeri... ada banyak uler disana
gua berusaha supaya semua orang aman
tapi nggak tau kenapa
uler uler itu tetep aja ngegigitin kita
gua lupa gua kena gigit apa nggak
tapi yang jelas, ada salah satu dari kita
yang digigit lidahnya.

Mimpi yang aneh....

just a little thought of my simple brain.
too agnostic? dont think so...

~ Reality ~

They say we live, on the same red blood
They say we live, on the same air to breath
They say we live, on the same world till we die

But still we are arguing each other
But still we are fighting each other
But still we are killing each other

In the name of God (s) we’ve never seen
And different heavens they are promising

Keep your faith
Keep your religion
Give more and expect less
It is love that created us after all